I really need opinions from a readers perspective?

The idea is not bad at all but the sentences are far too short and snappy making it read in staccato fashion. Short sentences can work very well but you have too many. Try joining some of them together so that it flows better but does not lose its impact. All you have here though are thoughts from the girl concerned and no emotion apart from "the words stung." If she could be killed or sold off then surely she would show anger by throwing things, screaming etc. She would probably show fear too and maybe even plan to disappear from her society. Imagine what you would do in her place and write that. Good luck with your story.